If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?

– Posted in: Living a Fulfilling Life

Heart Mandala

“I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.” — Groucho Marx

I think most of us are familiar with this concept: “If you don’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?” Feeling unworthy of love tends to make you suspicious of people who love you. And love, as we know, starts with trust.

To truly experience the power of Love, you’ll have to look at how you feel about yourself… and how you have earned your own trust.

On the surface, you might say, “Of course I trust myself!” but do you? Consider this: when was the last time you broke a promise to yourself? A simple example might be scheduling exercise that you don’t do. That’s a broken promise. What happens over time when someone else doesn’t keep their promises to you? Do you trust them? Do you think they’re reliable people that you can count upon? Probably not. So what happens when you are the culprit? Over time, breaking promises to ourselves erodes our own self-trust.

It may seem silly, but consider for a moment that there are several parts of yourself.  There’s the everyday part of you (the “grown up” self) and then there’s the little kid part of you that wants. Deep inside you, that little kid is hoping that you will prove yourself to be trustworthy. There’s nothing more heart-breaking than the look on the face of a child who no longer trusts. If you keep disappointing him or her, they won’t come out and play with you anymore. That inner self will simply shut down, and your life will become a little more dull, and a little less joyful.

So, how do you make it up to that little kid part of yourself? Well, just like a responsible parent, you only make promises that you can keep… and then you keep them.

When was the last time that you made a plan that included doing something good for yourself, and you chose to do it? Remember how proud you felt of yourself? (Even if you didn’t allow yourself to really feel it, you know that you smiled a small smile of Self-Respect. You know you did… 😉 )

Keep it up. Take small steps, one at a time: wake up on time in the morning for a week, or eat breakfast everyday, or do regular exercise, risk more vulnerability with people you love… whatever taking care of yourself looks like; Make a promise, and then keep it.

Self-Respect begets Self-Trust, begets Self-Love, begets Love. That’s it! That’s the pathway to Love.

Always infinite possibilities… always your choice.

I’d love to read your comments below!

Music Credit: “Everybody” @2009 Ingrid Michaelson

2 Comments… add one
Susan Lewis June 17, 2011, 6:39 pm

Hi Christine – As always, your posting gave me some good food for thought! As I searched my mind for ways that I break promises to myself, what immediately came to mind is that I have not always followed through to my promises to really put my coaching practice out there. And you’re right, I’m not loving myself — or others — when I hold back. I know that when I fall short, it’s because there’s fear and unworthiness lurking underneath. Noticing this gives me compassion for myself. But I am seeing that this is a breach of trust in my own gifts and I don’t want to be this way anymore!! So thanks for bringing all of this up!

Christine June 21, 2011, 8:35 am

Thanks for writing Susan! It’s always a pleasure to read your comments!!
In my opinion, compassion for self is the key to most everything. We have to start with how we care for and nurture ourselves… (which includes how we allow ourselves to love and be loved by others… another blog… 🙂 If we have no compassion for ourselves, it affects our compassion for others.
We all have feelings of fear and unworthiness at times in our lives, and deeply recognizing that as humans, we share these feelings universally can be incredibly uplifting in a strange way. “We are not alone in these feelings” is the prevailing message here. We all have times when we fall short on our promises to ourselves due to fears, and knowing that allows us to do it differently next time. We can pick ourselves up and stand amongst our fellow “perfectly flawed” humans, and say, “Yup, that’s not quite what I wanted to create, but this is.” And then move ahead…
Thanks again Susan!

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