Why don’t we do what we say we want to do?
Not doing something that we want to do leads to feeling “stuck.” There’s a rather sickening feeling that comes upon us when we notice that we “want” to do something and yet we don’t gain any traction. We feel mired in some kind of goo, not unlike the La Brea tar pits, and nothing moves. Our “desire” and our “ability” are at either end of the continuum.
What stands in the way? Resistance.
What being “stuck” really means is that we are loath to change something. In order to do this “thing,” we’ll have to change or shift something in our lives, or so we think, and that’s when the paralysis sets in. Being stuck then, is an inner battle between two aspects of ourselves. One aspect that says, “I want to do this, or have this in my life,” and the other that says, “But I’m more “comfortable” with the way things are now.” Resistance (or the feeling of being stuck) is the experience of the fear of change: a deer in the headlights.
What is it you tell yourself is going to happen if you do this “thing” you’re not doing?
The deeper implication around being stuck is: what inside you is slowly dying because you are refusing to budge? What aspect of who you are is wearing away making life feel washed-out and meaningless? Who could you be if you made the change, or did the “thing”? What would be different if you made that change? What would be available in you and to you, for your life? If not doing that “thing” leaves you feeling empty, what would you be filled with if you did it?
The next time you feel stuck, you’re actually at a choice point in your life. This is good news!
Then take a look at what you will gain by making the first move, and the second… Sometimes we get stuck when we’re faced with a choice that doesn’t fit. We resist it because we think we should want it and we really don’t. If what you will gain in your life by doing this “thing” doesn’t mean very much to you, let it drop and move onto something more meaningful. But if you will be gaining something truly important to you, something that makes you feel deeply alive, then its time to consider what you’re losing daily by fighting the change… and make the first move!
This is coaching…
Always infinite possibilities… always your choice.
I welcome your comments and thoughts!
Music Credit: Jimmy Cliff, “Sitting in Limbo” from the film “The Harder They Come” ©1973