“My What?” you ask.
Your Saboteur… you know, that voice in your head that tells you that “you can’t do that”, or that “you don’t have enough time”, or that “you don’t deserve it,” or that, “you’re too old”, or that “you’re not good enough”? This may surprise some of you, but that voice is not You. It’s the voice of your Saboteur. Everybody has one. I sure do.
Where it came from…
This Saboteur was likely borne from an early experience where it was trying to protect you. One of your parents might’ve said, “Don’t run out into the street, you might get hurt”. So you learned to curb your impulses, your curiosity, and your whims because they might “get you hurt”. Whatever its derivation, this voice has overgrown its usefulness and now it’s just stopping you. It thinks somehow that it’s protecting you, but in truth it’s actually protecting itself. This Saboteur’s purpose is to stop you from any impulse you have to step outside of its comfort zone. That’s right, it’s the comfort zone of the Saboteur we’re talking about. And because the Saboteur has been whispering these nasty nothings into your inner ear for all these years, it has convinced you that you are in fact more comfortable living in your “safe” and “small” self, when the truth is that it’s the Saboteur that is safe. What is comfortable for the Saboteur has become what’s comfortable for you.
I want you to think about something, when does this meanie raise its ugly head? I mean, really think about it. When you’re too close to getting what you want? When you dare to step up and speak your mind? Voice an opinion? Or worse yet, voice a desire? Maybe you don’t even get the chance to step up? Maybe the split second you realize that you have a “desire”, a “wish”, an “aspiration”, this voice instantly slaps you down with a “don’t waste your time”, or”yeah, maybe other people can get there, but not me!” Well why not you? Hmm? Seriously, I’m asking your opinion on this, not your Saboteur’s. Why not you?
When you start living your life from your strength, when you step into who you really are, who you know you can become, this Saboteur will have nowhere to go! Its sole purpose is its own survival. Years ago it took a foothold into the deepest parts of you and it knows where you are your weakest. It knows exactly how to trip you up and keep you at your smallest. And it has convinced you that the two of you are one.
But consider this: the very fact that “you” can observe this voice at all indicates that it does not define you. You are the observer of your life. You reside within and the Saboteur rides alongside you, separate from you… You know what that means, don’t you? You can send it packing as soon as it shows up. You can decide who gets to steer. You know why? Because it’s your life. You get to choose what direction you’re going to go in. You do it with every step you take. You choose.
Now at this point, if your Saboteur has even let you read this far, I’m guessing its getting pretty nervous right about now… I can almost hear it saying, “This is bull! Don’t listen to this. What does she know about my life? Who the hell does she think she is?” Are you smiling yet? I’m right, aren’t I?
Or maybe you’re not smiling at all…? Maybe your Saboteur has got you so firmly in its clutches that you’re even now closing this message and promptly forgetting I even brought up the subject?
Remember, it’s your choice. You get to choose…
So, what are you going to choose today? Do you choose to go on listening to your Saboteur? To retreat back under the covers, back into the quiet, soporific warmth of its softly whispering voice, justified in playing it safe?
Or do you choose to tell your Saboteur to “shut the heck up”, just for a brief second in time to feel that peace… that moment of freedom…
If you’re ready to take a single step towards living your life as you find it meaningful, call me and together we can send that Saboteur packing.
Stay tuned for my next essay entitled, “So, what’s your Story?”
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