Quit "Shoulding" on Yourself? Reclaim Your “Why”

– Posted in: Choice, Living a Fulfilling Life, Living in Choice, Personal Growth, Saboteur, Self-Care, What's Your Piece?

multi-tasking woman

Shoulding all over yourself?

(Wish I could claim that one, but an excellent friend coined it, or borrowed it…)

Are you doing what you “should” do?
You ever get stuck in your day ‘cuz you’re “shoulding” all over yourself? You know what I mean, “I should do that…” no wait, “I should do this…” and “I should call so & so…” but, “I should…” So you wind up somewhere in the middle of your office feeling pulled in 12-different directions? (I know, this never happens to you! Right? Yeah, right… 😉 )

What’s “shoulding” all about?

First off, consider… how much you have successfully achieved in your life because you were soley “motivated” by “should?” Long list? More likely a very short one.

Collectively, we “should” all:

Eat “right”, exercise daily, recycle everything possible, protect the environment, honor ourselves, conserve our resources, pay attention to the news, create a work/life balance…

It’s endless, right? Yet, how many of us can say that we’re doing everything we “should” do?

Why doesn’t “shoulding” on ourselves work?

“Shoulding” is the domain of the Saboteur, and it’s designed to stop you in your tracks. (You remember the “Saboteur”? Effective little bugger, ain’t it? It’s that mean voice that lives between your ears and whispers “nasty nothings” to you? It stands as the sentinel, guarding the gold of your life…)

When you find yourself torn in 12 different directions, it’s time to check in with what you’re wanting… and potentially, what Lunar Need is not being met. (Remember, when our Lunar Needs are denied, it’s difficult to understand what we want because we’re too distracted by the unmet “basics” to go beyond them to “desire”.)

Why bother?

We’ve lost touch with our “why?” Why do any of the above? Presumably, at some point, you wanted to do what you’re “shoulding” about (and if you never “wanted” it, you might want to take a closer look at why it’s on your list).

If there are things in your life you’d like to accomplish but you’re not moving, it’s time to reconnect with “why” you wanted them in the first place.

  • Why eat right & exercise? Because you want to feel good, look good, and be healthy.
  • Why create a work/life balance? Because you love your family & friends; because relaxing fuels your work; because working fuels your downtime. Etc…

How to get moving already…

  • This is about getting moving, so do NOT spend a lot of time on this part: Sit down and make a two-column list with those things that you’re “shoulding” about on the left and the “Why?” on the right. Ideally, the “Why?” should be an internal motivator and desire. If it really is for someone else, then you’re doing it because you want to please that person and that’s your motivation.
  • Rather than belittling yourself because you didn’t go to the gym (for example), remember why you wanted to go in the first place, and how good you feel when you’ve accomplished what you’ve promised yourself. Then, slap on your sneakers and go!
  • Explore what Lunar Needs are not being met and how meeting them might ease your log-jammed brain.
  • Perhaps you’re living in your Moon Shadow? If that’s the case, reclaim your Moon Shine by acknowledging your Moon Shadow.
  • Understand how you might be Eclipsing your Solar Energy and grab ahold of your inner Hero to motivate your next moves.
  • Contact me for a more personalized approach!

Always infinite possibilities… always your choice.

Image credit: lighthunter / 123RF Stock Photo

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